


Thorin Oakenshield and the Wholly Predictable Monty Python Parody

by Lothlorien



Category: Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: and i'm just so proud :P, hope you like it, i made a pun in the title, if someone wanted to make art of this I would love them forever :), just a bit of silliness really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-29
Updated: 2014-12-29
Packaged: 2018-03-04 04:28:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2936978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lothlorien/pseuds/Lothlorien
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!”</p>
<p>Bilbo looked at Ori with raised eyebrows. “Order, eh? Who does he think he is?”</p>
<p>Thorin’s face was becoming redder by the second. “I am a king!”</p>
<p>Bilbo was unimpressed. “Well, I didn’t vote for you.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thorin Oakenshield and the Wholly Predictable Monty Python Parody

The trek was long and the weather bad, so Thorin’s nerves were frayed enough as it was. To make things worse, the hobbit was explaining about his convoluted family tree to Ori. For the past ten miles. And he just would not shut up.

Finally, Thorin could take it no more.

“Burglar, be quiet!” he growled grumpily.

The hobbit just harrumphed and went on with his explanation.

“Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!”

Bilbo looked at Ori with raised eyebrows. “Order, eh? Who does he think he is?”

Thorin’s face was becoming redder by the second. “I am a king!”

Bilbo was unimpressed. “Well, I didn’t vote for you.”

“You don’t vote for kings,” answered Thorin incredulously. 

This earned him a raised eyebrow. “Well how’d you become king then?”

The dwarf looked into the distance to display his majestic profile. “The Lady of the Mountain, her arm clad in the purest of shimmering mithril, held aloft the Arkenstone from the bosom of the mountain, signifying by divine providence that I, Thorin, am to hold the Arkenstone. That is why I am king!”

“Listen,” began the hobbit, “strange women dwelling in mountains distributing trinkets are no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from the mandate from the masses, not from some farcical alpine ceremony. “

The dwarf king’s face was an alarming shade of dark purple by this point. “Be quiet!”

The hobbit took no notice of this interruption. “You can’t expect to wield supreme executive power just because some mountain goat threw a gem at you.”

“Be quiet!”

“If I went around saying I was thain because some alpine tart had lobed a diamond at me, they’d put me away.”

Thorin could take it no more. He gathered what dignity he had left, straightened his back impressively and held his head high as he rode to the front of the group.  
“Bloody hobbits.”

**Author's Note:**

> Did you like it? Kudos and reviews always appreciated. Or come visit me on my [tumblr](http://fanficisalegitimatefieldofstudy.tumblr.com/).


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